***JENNIE***
“What are you trying to say, mom? That I just let them do whatever they want? Let them be together? What kind of mother I am if I’ll do that?”
“A mother who cares for her daughter. That’s what you will become if you’ll let them be themselves.”
“What? You should be on my side, you know. That is not right, and that will never be right.”
“Is that why you run away from her?”
Wait… am I dreaming? Is this a dream? If this is a dream, can I just please wake up?
Maybe… I’m only dreaming because I heard nothing after grandma spoke. There’s a silence… an unpredictable silence and darkness around me.
Wait… if I’m only dreaming, why is there a tingling pain in my hand? And why do I feel something squeezing inside my head? It’s bearable though, but it still made me winced at the moment I felt it.
But albeit I’m in this state, whether if this is a dream or not, the thing that grandma said put me in deep thought. What did she mean about that? Does mom…
“Do you think I don’t know? Huh?”
I heard grandma spoke again, so I pushed myself to wake up. To open my eyes even if the light around is blinding me.
My eyes were only half-open when I tried to lift my head to look for mom and grandma. I saw them standing at the foot of my bed. But… I’m not in my bed. I’m lying in someone else’s.
Where am I?
“Mom?”
I whispered, and then they both stopped and stared at me.
Well, I’m not sure if they wonder if I heard something or not. But the way grandma ran towards me made me feel like they don’t care. That what they only care about was to know if I’m okay or not.
“Hey, baby! How are you?”
The firm and sharp voice that I’ve heard from grandma a while ago were replaced with a low and soft one.
“You feeling okay, now?”
She asked while she sat on the chair on my left. I want to answer all her questions, but my throat feels dry and a pang of pain slid at the its bottom.
I grimaced and she immediately caressed my arm with her left hand. Then mom perched at the right side of the bed with a glass of water.
She slid her hand at the back of my neck and pulled me towards her so I could sit and drink. A few gulps of it, and it quenched the aching thirst I have inside.
“Where am I?”
I said softly.
“Uhm… we’re in the hospital.”
Grandma answered. Then she shoved the hair messing on my forehead.
Hospital? I know I had lost my consciousness, but is that how bad it was that they need to bring me here?
“You weren’t waking up for almost thirty minutes, and we’re worried that there might be something serious that had happened to you. That’s why we rushed you here.”
Mom stood up and put down the glass on the bedside table. Then she paced towards the door before she uttered something.
“I’ll just get something at home.”
She wasn’t looking at me or grandma. She was talking while her back was on us.
Grandma didn’t answer nor tilted her head to see mom exit the door. It’s as if mom doesn’t exist, and as if she didn’t hear her said something.
“How long have I been sleeping?”
I said after mom shut the door behind her.
“Not that long. But it’s already eight in the morning. It’s just like you’ve slept the whole night.”
She gave me a brief smile. But even though her lips were assuring me that everything is all right, her eyes were telling me another story. It tells me how worried and sad she is seeing me lying on this hospital bed.
“What did the doctor says?”
“It’s nothing serious. It just so happened that your vitals went down. That’s why you fainted. He said we could go home this afternoon once you gain some strength.”
I nodded and returned her smile with mine. At least it’s not serious because if it is, it means more worries for mom, and I don’t think I can afford to see her suffer more.
I want to go home. I want this needle off from my vein.
“I love you, baby. Remember that, okay?”
She said it with tears welling in her eyes, ready to fall on her cheeks.
*****
***LISA***
I’m already at the foot of the staircase when someone knocked on the door. And it instantly made me smile. It’s because there’s only one person who always knocks at my door without checking the time.
I let out a broad smile and tucked my hair under my ear before I opened it. But the sight of the person behind the door drained all the blood from my veins.
“Good morning!”
Her voice was crisp, but she let out a smile after she said those words.
I cleared my throat and clasped the doorknob. I’m guessing my knuckle had turned white because of too much pressure.
“Good morning… ma’am.”
I almost choked on the air that entered my mouth. Why is she here? Did she already find out? Found out what’s going on between me and Jennie?
“Can I come in?”
“Uhm… yes, sure.”
I pressed my lips before I let out a smile.
Then my heart pounds furiously. And if the cage in my chest is weak, I’m sure it will break it and run away from me.
“Would you like something to drink? Coffee maybe?”
I offered after she entered the door. She nodded without looking at me.
Well, maybe it’s better to bring her to the kitchen than just let her sit in the living room. In that way, I’ll have all the reasons to move around and avoid having eye contact with her. Because if this is a confrontation, I’m not ready with it yet. I just hope it’s not.
Of course, I’m just trying to convince myself that it’s not. What else is the reason she’s here?
“Have a seat. I’ll… make us coffee.”
Then I walked towards the cupboard and pulled two cups for both of us. I haven’t had mine yet, so I’ll join her with this coffee thing.
“I guess you already know why I’m here.”
My body stiffened. Is my guess right? That she already knows about it?
Geez! Lisa, relax! You need to relax, or you’ll drop the cup.
I want to answer her, but I don’t dare to do so. I’m scared that I might say something that will jeopardize my relationship with Jennie. So, instead of saying something, I continued to make the best coffee that my dad taught me. Maybe this will help me soften her heart.
“That smells good.”
She uttered when the espresso dropped from the machine. Those words made me smile. At least my plan is working, right?
But even though it’s working, you can’t ignore the fact that what she’s saying tells me that maybe… maybe she already knows something, and whatever it is, I don’t know how to answer all of those things because I’m not yet prepared with any of it.
I whirled to look at her before I answered.
“It’s one of the tastiest coffee beans in the world. Dad brought several bags of it when he visited Hawaii last year. I think they call it Hawaii Kona Coffee Beans.”
Her left brow went up.
Did I say more than I should? Is it too much information? Is it weird to say something like that?
Well, I couldn’t help it when it comes to talking about coffee. I felt like there’s always something to say when someone needs information about this thing.
Instead of getting a terrible reaction from her, she suddenly chuckled and shook her head.
“You remind me of someone.”
Then the machine stopped pouring the cups. A queue for me to add the secret formula that my dad taught me. He said it’s the way to a girl’s heart. I’m not sure if it’s true, but I guess it works for Jennie, and maybe it will work for her mom, too.
I silently walked towards her and placed the two cups in the middle of the table. Then I sat opposite her.
She moved forward, placing her left forearm on the table, while her other hand grabbed the cup handle and pulled it towards her.
“I’m not here to lecture you. Or ask you to stay away from my daughter because that would be an impossible thing to ask.”
She smirked and lifted the cup to take a sip of her coffee before she spoke again.
“I’m busy with work. I have no time to babysit Jennie. Sure enough, you two will see each other no matter how much I tell her to stop seeing you.”
From the way she said it, I know that even though she doesn’t approve of whatever thing Jennie and I have, the situation is leaving her without a choice.
“I’m right, right?”
I’m not sure what to say. Should I answer her with all honesty?
I bowed my head and stared at the coffee in my hand, still thinking if answering her question is better than giving her my silence.
She sighed audibly. And it looks like she already surrendered from the silence I’m giving her.
“She’s in the hospital right now.”
I instantly look at her after hearing her news.
“What happened to her?”
I know I sounded so eager, but I no longer care. I don’t care if the way I said it will give her the answer to all her questions.
“She’s fine now. Her vitals just went down last night, but everything’s okay now.”
My shoulders went down, relieved that she’s all right.
“I still don’t approve of whatever thing you and Jennie have. But mom is right. If my disapproval means hurting Jennie, what’s the sense of everything I’m doing for her?”
She paused and cupped the coffee with both hands.
“Sometimes… love is not enough. You need to remember that.”
I’m not sure if I’m getting her point about love. How can love isn’t enough? Why not… love conquers everything in this world, right?
“I know… it’s not that easy to understand. I mean… whatever thing I’ve said about love. But I’m telling you the truth. One day, once you’ve seen the world in a broader view, you’ll understand me. But for now, I want you to commit to something. I want you to protect her. Protect her from all the people who will say something about your relationship. If you can’t do that…”
She paused again. Then shook her head.
“Then maybe it’s better for you to assess yourself. You know, if you’re not ready with all of it yet, you’ll just end up hurting her, and making her cry. And if that happens, I hope you already know what to do. That we no longer need to discuss these things again.”
Is that a threat? And… does she mean if it happens, then I should stay away from Jennie? Well, I can’t afford to see her feel that way because of this thing between us.
*****
***JENNIE***
“I love you, too, grandma.”
I paused, not because I have nothing to say, but because there’s a lump in my throat, and my tears are about to drench my face.
I swallowed hard to push away the heaviness inside before I spoke again.
“I’m sorry.”
I whispered. Then I turned my gaze down to my hand, where they inserted the needle.
“Shhh… No need to say sorry, okay? You did nothing wrong.”
Did nothing wrong? Is that how she sees things?
Lying here is one proof I did something wrong, but she still thinks it’s not?
“You think I did nothing wrong, grandma?”
I asked, still staring at my hands. Still convinced that what I did is selfish and a mere disappointment to her and mom.
She placed her hand under my jaw, which pushed me to look into her eyes. Her tears are no longer there, which tells me that everything is lighter this time than a minute ago.
“We don’t choose the person who will bring butterflies to our stomach.”
Is she teasing me now? Because it looks like she is. She’s not smiling, rather she’s smirking, and that made me smile with no intention of doing so.
Oh my gosh! My face is burning. Am I blushing? My gosh… not now Jennie. Not now.
“Why is it… why is it so easy for you to accept that?”
She pulled her hand from my face and then shrugged.
“Why not? It’s not that it’s not a big deal for me. It’s just… who am I to tell you who you should be?”
I’m so grateful to have a grandma like her. Like… I thought I will disappoint her, just like what I did to mom. But knowing that she’s okay with everything means like… there’s hope. And Lisa is right, grandma is so cool to accept who I like and who I am.
“But the fact that I disappoint mom…”
“I’ll help you with that. I mean… you know how stubborn she is, but I’ll help you explain to her these things. Don’t worry, and that’s a promise.”
She interjected.
I’m grateful that she understands me so well. Thank you, grandma, that you’re on my side. I no longer know what to do if you and mom are in the same lane.
Well, there’s another question swirling inside my head, and that could no longer wait anymore.
“How long… did you know about us?”
She shifted to rest her back on the backrest.
“The moment I saw you two together. I mean… that morning she knocked on my door to eat with us.”
What? That was the first day we ate together. How? How did she come up with the idea that this thing will happen between me and Lisa?
“The way you two looked at each other that day gave me a clue that one day, you two will have something. Something more than friends, and I’m right. Isn’t it?”
She knew already that this would happen? But then she let us do what we want, rather than stop us from seeing each other?
“You already knew? And you still let us see each other?”
I’m confused about how grandma handled everything. I mean, she’s also a mom, and a mom’s reaction should be like how my mom took my little secret.
“What’s the point? I mean… it’s who you are. If I’m your mom, I want you to discover yourself. I’m not here to stop you by any means. I’m not saying it’s right though, but we can’t tell people to be someone else.”
I smiled even though I know mom is so mad at me. And this conversation with grandma washed all the weaknesses and worries inside me.
*****
***LISA***
“I’ll do my best to protect her.”
Were the words that came out of my mouth. I didn’t think twice because I said it without even thinking. Maybe because it’s what my heart really feels.
She didn’t object or say something that will savage the words I’ve said. Instead, she took another sip of her coffee and nodded.
Well, I could see that she’s more relaxed now than when she gave me her good morning a while ago. Does this mean she’s contented with the assurance I had given her?
“This is nostalgic.”
She paused, still staring at her coffee.
“This flavor reminds me of something. I don’t know what it is, but it feels like I’ve had this already a long time ago.”
She shook her head and gazed at me again.
“You did an outstanding job of luring me with your coffee. Is this how’d you soften Jennie’s heart?”
I chuckled. Should I say maybe? Maybe because of the coffee?
“Anyway…”
Her smile is more sincere now, and that made me feel better and accepted.
“I’ll still keep my eyes on both of you. Remember, I’m her mom, and you can’t take away the fact that I’m here to protect her. Okay?”
“Yes, ma’am. I understand, and I won’t disappoint you.”
“Better not disappoint Jennie…”
She’s right, I should focus on that. Because if Jennie’s happy, then I won’t have problems with her or with grandma.
“Well, I guess I have to go. If you want to visit Jennie, just go ahead. I know you want to see her.”
She pressed her lips and ended our conversation with a smile.
I walked her back to the hallway. Then I heard someone opened the door.
My forehead creased, bewildered who entered the house. Dad won’t be here until next month, and mom said she’ll extend her stay in Japan for another conference.
“Sweetheart?”
Mom called. Then I heard the rolling wheel of her suitcase getting closer.
“Mom!”
I ran towards her to kiss her. But it seems like she’s not interested in my greetings. Instead, her eyes were fixed on Jennie’s mom.
“Reena?”
She said, still a few steps away from her.
Did they know each other?
Oh, yeah! Mom mentioned she knew Reena when Jennie joined us for dinner, and I totally forgot to ask her about them.
All I know is they went to the same school, but why does it look like they’re staring at a ghost rather than an old friend, especially Jennie’s mom? It looks like she’s no longer breathing, like a statue in museums and government halls.
I stepped backward, giving them their personal space. But even though I moved clumsily, their gaze at each other never breaks.
“It’s you. It’s really you.”
Mom’s almost whispering. As if her voice left her.
I’m not sure if there’s tension between them, or they just don’t know how to talk to each other again. Well, I couldn’t blame them, it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other.
But… shouldn’t they be excited to see each other again? I’m confused about their reaction.
“Yeah, it’s me. So… you got married, huh?”
Mom chuckled. Maybe she couldn’t believe she’ll ask that question because honestly, I am. Why would she even ask that? Did mom doesn’t have a plan on getting married a long time ago?
“With George.”
“With George?”
Reena exclaimed.
Wait, she also knew my dad? But… what’s unbelievable about that? I mean… why is she so surprised about mom marrying my dad?
Then Reena turned her gaze towards me as if telling me it’s so impolite to stand there and listen to them, which stiffened my body.
“And she’s your daughter?”
She said it with more surprise than when she uttered my dad’s name.
Then mom laughed as if they didn’t have a tension a while ago.
“I know… Can you imagine I have all of this? George, Lisa, and this life. I also couldn’t believe I’ll have wonderful people in my life.”
She pressed her lips and smiled, even though Reena’s gaze was still pinned towards me.
“By the way… why are you here?”
That was the only time Reena broke her gaze at me to return her attention to mom.
“I think you knew Jennie, my daughter, she’s in the hospital now. And there are just things that Lisa and I need to talk about.”
“How was she? Is she okay?”
“She is…”
“Can Lisa visit her?”
Maybe mom knows that most parents have difficulty accepting this kind of thing. That’s why she asked Reena about that.
“Yeah. I already gave her my permission to visit her.”
Both of their emotion subsided. There’s no more surprise in their tone. Instead, there’s sadness with every word they’ve said.
“Lisa, why don’t you… visit Jennie now, so Reena and I could catch up.”
I nodded. I guess it’s the best thing I could do for both of them, to give them the privacy they need.
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