***JENNIE***
I still have numerous questions for Lisa about a lot of things, but grandma already called us downstairs. Telling us that the food is ready. So, the only choice it left me was to park every question I have in my head.
“Wow! I miss this!”
The table was full of food. It’s like we’re in a feast or something. There’s a platter of Carbonara in the middle, clubhouse sandwiches on its left, mojos in its right together with its homemade gravy. At the side of the mojos is an unsliced shiny pie. I’m guessing it’s grandma’s specialty, her potato pie. Now I’m salivating.
It made me want to eat beyond my diet. Not that I have a diet plan, though. It’s just… I might eat more than my body can take.
“What are you two waiting for?”
Grandma sat on the opposite side of the table, waiting for us to settle ourselves.
Lisa and I looked at each other in unison and then nodded, as if giving a signal that we’re now ready to start this eating challenge.
She sat on the same spot she took when I first saw her in this dining room, and I pulled the chair I used to sit in everyday, beside her.
“Why are we eating this much, grandma? Are we celebrating something?”
Lisa asked while she forked the Carbonara from the platter onto her plate. Not looking to anyone, but only to the smoking pasta hanging in the air.
I picked up a sandwich and held it with both hands then took a bite since she’s not done with the platter yet.
Well, I’m hoping grandma will give us a definite answer this time since I’ve been dying to know the answer to that question, too.
“No particular reason for that, sweetheart. I’m just glad that Jennie is now enjoying the neighborhood, and that is because of you.”
Her smile was warm, and the way she said it… it’s full of sincerity.
But even though her answer was straightforward, I still couldn’t understand everything she said. There’s something in it I couldn’t figure out. Or maybe the reason for this curiosity is that of the profound answers she’s giving us.
“Well, I think her presence is more beneficial to me than to her. I’m enjoying the neighborhood now than before because of her.”
She said it without looking at grandma and with no inhibition. As if she doesn’t care if grandma would suspect that something is happening between me and her.
I turned my gaze to grandma, still holding the sandwich with both of my hands. I noticed she wasn’t looking at her either. She’s busy twirling her pasta on her plate. Then she spoke again.
“I won’t disagree with that. I can see you’re very much happy now than a month ago.”
Okay, I think I know now where these things are going. But I don’t want to assume anything yet. The thing is, is it okay to just ask casually? What if my speculation is wrong? That would mean revealing something that I’m not ready to flaunt yet, right?
“Are you okay, baby? You don’t like the food?”
I wonder if my confusion is floating above my head just like a bubble thought, that’s why she asked me those questions. So, to erase whatever grandma saw in me, I flashed a broad smile, assuring her I’m okay. That their exchange isn’t confusing me.
“I’m a hundred percent okay, grandma. I just want to enjoy my sandwich before I get some pasta.”
Of course, it was a lie… because what overwhelms me is this conversation between you and Lisa. I want to blurt out. But like I said, what if I’m wrong with my speculation?
*****
***LISA***
Now I feel guilty for saying goodbye after we finished everything that grandma cooked. It’s like I just came there to fill my empty stomach, nothing more. I know that’s so impolite, but I have a promise to Tom that I need to fulfill. If I had promised nothing to him, I would have stayed with them until midnight.
I parked my car at an almost full parking lot of McDonald’s on Seventh Avenue. I suggested meeting him somewhere else because this place is always jam-packed at this hour. But he insisted to meet here. He said he’s too hungry to drive for another five minutes.
Before I reached the entrance, I already saw him waving at me behind the glass wall. He was sitting at the third table on the left side of the door.
“You sure you don’t like anything?”
He said as I plopped on the couch in front of him.
“Yeah. I already ate a lot today. Grandma cooked something for us, and you know how a brilliant chef she is.”
He shook his head and slurped his float.
“I just hope next time you invite me, too!”
“Well, you’re always busy with work, Mr. Barista of the Year!”
He stifled a laugh and shook his head again.
“At least you know I’m just busy with work and not with something else.”
“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! That was too personal, dude!”
I leaned closer and rested my forearms on the table. I know he’s referring to my negligence of duty. But I guess he’s more worried about what happened the other day.
“Sorry for not returning your call or your messages. It’s just… I couldn’t believe what’s happening in my life right now.”
I paused and smiled at the thought of every moment Jennie and I shared. Not that grand yet, but the thought of her in my arms is more than anything else already.
“Can you fill me in?”
He also leaned forward, wanting to grasp every word that will come out of my mouth.
“Hmm… Let’s just say, she finally realized that she likes me after she saw me and Rosie at the back of the coffee shop. At first, I thought it was the worst thing that happened to me that day, and I hated Rosie that much. But then after some time, looking back at what happened, I realized I owe Rosie a lot because if she didn’t do that, maybe I’m still wondering if Jennie will ever like me or not.”
“So, it’s more of… looking at the bright side? And having this, ‘Everything happens for a reason’ thing?”
“Something like that! At least that thing taught me how to be positive, even in a not-so-good situation. You know.”
“Well, good thing it turned out like that. What if it didn’t? Do you think you would ever forgive Rosie?”
“I don’t know… maybe not. I would probably hate her until the day that Jennie forgives me.”
“Honestly, I would feel the same thing.”
I sighed at the thought that a dear friend of mine betrayed me because of a selfish reason.
“I never realized she’s capable of doing that. I thought we’re good friends.”
“That’s the reason they say love is a mysterious thing. It can both make you good and evil. Look at her, she ruined your friendship over her feelings for you.”
“I’m not that mad at her anymore, but I don’t think I can be the same friend to her again.”
He nodded and picked a strip of his fries on the tray.
Well, who would ever think our friendship would end like that? We’ve been friends since grade school. Always in the same group whenever we have a group project at school. We even talked about going to the same University this coming school year.
“Well, enough with the sad part. Why don’t we talk about you and Jennie, instead? Are you two official now?”
I leaned my back on the backrest and dropped my hands on my lap.
“As much as I wanted to, but she said she still needs time. I think she’s worried about what her mom and grandma would think about us.”
“Oh… I thought grandma knows about you? You didn’t tell her?”
That made me think for a while. Why on earth did I forget to mention it to her? This might be the reason she looked so confused earlier when grandma and I were talking about how she’s making me happy.
“You forgot to tell her, don’t you?”
I scratched the back of my head before I answered him.
“Unfortunately… yeah! And thank you for reminding me about that.”
“Now you know how an underrated hero I am to you? I’m your lifesaver, you know.”
I rolled my eyes, stifling a smile.
*****
***JENNIE***
I’m pacing in my room back and forth because I couldn’t wait anymore. It’s almost nine, and she’s not home yet. We need to talk. We need to talk about her conversation with grandma earlier. That thing is bugging me until now.
I dialed her number, and it rang twice before she answered.
“Hello! Miss me already?”
She said cheerfully.
But as much as I wanted to comply with her, I can’t. It’s not that I don’t want this flirting thing, but this isn’t the right time for that. There’s something I want to know, and this couldn’t wait any longer.
“What time are you coming home?”
I could hear the firmness in my voice, and I know she noticed it too, because she suddenly got quiet. I bet it also erased the smile on her face.
“Uhm… I’m already on my way. Is there a problem?”
The playfulness that she had when she answered the phone is now gone. Long gone.
Her voice became softer. As if scared to say another word.
“I just have a few questions on you. And I need answers to that.”
“I’m already at the Callalily. Do you want me to meet you on your porch?”
“No! I’ll just wait for you at your front walk. Let’s talk there.”
I didn’t wait for her answer anymore. Instead, I dropped the call and darted downstairs. Then I ran until I reached their front walk.
Good thing grandma went to her room earlier than usual because I’m not in the mood of explaining to her why I’m going out at this hour.
*****
***LISA***
She was sitting at the foot of our porch’s step when I pulled the car into the garage. And even from the distance, I could see the serious expression on her face.
“You should have just waited for me first before you come down. It’s cold here.”
I mumbled, still a few steps away from her. Trying to lighten the mood, but it seems like I failed in doing so.
She stood up, but didn’t dare to turn her head to look at me. She didn’t even say a word. Instead, she just stepped on her side to give me room to pass and open the door.
I kept my tongue-tied until we reached the living room. Maybe it’s better to wait for her to speak first before I say something again.
We stood there for half a minute with only two dim lights on. I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. So I rested my left hand on the backrest of the couch, trying to control my breathing, and telling myself to look at something else instead of her.
“Does grandma know?”
I knew it. This is about what grandma knew. But, I need a more specific question than this.
“Knew?”
I whispered.
“Stop playing dumb, Lisa! You have no idea how worried I am right now. Or rather, how worried I am since we sat in the dining room earlier.”
Her voice was cracking and a bit louder this time.
I removed my hand from the couch to straighten up. I don’t know the answer to her question, but I have to say something. I need to explain to her what I know, so she could relax a little.
“If what you mean is about us, I don’t know. That’s true, Jennie. I don’t know if grandma knows about us. What I only know is, she knows about me. And I think she already has an idea that I like you. Well, I’m not saying I’m a hundred percent sure. But the way she conversed earlier, it seems like she’s positive about my feelings for you.”
I stopped because I have nothing more to say. And I guess I have given her the answers she needs to know.
“She knows about you? And you didn’t even tell me about that?”
Her tone was colder and bolder this time, which made me swallow hard.
“I… I honestly forgot about that. I’m sorry.”
I know it wasn’t a valid reason. And if this will make her more furious, I’ll understand.
But… she sighed and then let her shoulders fall instead.
“Do you think…”
She paused, stepped backward, and perched at the back of the couch.
“Do you think… she knows about us now?”
“I’m not sure about that. But if ever she knows, I don’t think we’ll have a problem with her. You have no idea how cool your grandma is.”
That’s the truth. It surprised me when she found out about my sexual preference. She didn’t nag at me or preached to me about what’s right or wrong. She’s cool about it. She even told me I’m a brave girl to stand for what I think I am. She’s not living in old age, that’s all I know.
“You think so?”
I smiled and stepped towards her to reach for her hands.
“Why don’t we… tell her about this? I mean… let’s start with her. Trust me…. she’ll accept us.”
She squeezed my hand and stood up straight.
“Come on. Trust me. Please?”
“Okay. But I don’t know how to…”
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
I interjected. Then disengaged my right hand from hers to caress her cheek with my thumb.
“I’ll take care of that. Okay?”
*****
***JENNIE***
Why do I feel so secure whenever I’m with her, even if it means telling the world about us? And whenever she reassures me that everything will be okay, I always find myself trusting her.
“Okay…. Let’s do that. But for now… I need to go home.”
“Why not stay for another minute? Please?”
She slid her left arm above my pelvis and right hand resting below my ear, circling her thumb on my cheekbone.
“No ‘please’. Please? Besides, it’s already late. I need to be in my room before mom comes home.”
I said softly.
“Okay…”
She smiled and kissed me before she let go of me and walked me back to their porch.
“Hey!”
She whispered under the dim light of their porch, squeezing my hand.
“Don’t worry that much, okay?”
I stared at her and smiled.
I’m still worried about what will happen if grandma or mom will find out. But… knowing that she’s there holding my hand made me feel like I can conquer the world.
I walked back to our house, feeling better about everything. But when I opened the door and saw mom standing at the foot of the stairs, arms crossed on her chest, I felt like someone splashed cold water on my face.
Am I just feeling guilty? Or did she already find out about our little secret? I’m hoping it’s the first. Please make it the first.
Even though the only light coming inside the house was from the lampposts outside, I could still see mom’s expression clearly.
Her body was tensed. Her eyes were cold, and her jaw was clenching.
I rarely see mom like this, but whenever I see her this way, it only means one thing, she’s furious about something.
“Mom?”
I whispered after I closed the door behind me.
I need to lean on something because my knees suddenly got weak. But before I fall to the ground, I want to know first why she was looking at me that way. If this thing will keep haunting me, I want to end it now than later.
She didn’t say a word. Instead, she slowly stepped forward, put down her arms on her side. And the next thing I know is, I’m already holding the doorknob.
I think my head turned three hundred and sixty degrees. She just slapped me with all her strength.
My ears were ringing, and everything around me was spinning. I tightened my grip on the doorknob, trying to breathe as evenly as possible. But I guess even my lungs betrayed me because breathing seemed to be an impossible thing to do.
She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me up before she spoke.
“What was that? What was that? Huh?”
No! She wasn’t just speaking. She was screaming every single word in my ears.
“Tell me! What was that?”
Then my tears just streamed down my cheeks. I could even hear myself sobbing from this confrontation.
She slapped me again. This time, it’s on the other side. It’s not as strong as the first one, though. Or maybe my mind was more focused on the words that I should tell her than on the pain that my body was getting.
She pulled the collar of my shirt and pinned me on the door. My body’s trembling, and my head keeps on falling because I couldn’t look her in the eyes.
“Is she your girlfriend? Huh? Is she your girlfriend?”
Her screaming was endless, and I don’t think I’ll be able to answer all her questions. My voice was missing, my breathing was heavy, and my mind has stupidly stopped from thinking straight.
She released her grip on me, and that made me fall on the floor, leaning my back on the door.
Then the next thing I know was, grandma was already standing in front of us. She wasn’t there to give me another confrontation, rather to stop mom from screaming.
“Stop it!”
I heard her shout at mom.
“I saw her mom. I saw them! Just now!”
Did she see us? What exactly did she see?
I went back to what happened a while ago before I said my goodnight to her. My eyes widened when that moment flashed back in front of me.
It was the kiss… it was the goodnight kiss Lisa gave me before I stepped out of their porch and headed home. That was the one she saw.
My shoulder fell. This wasn’t how I imagined it. What I want is to tell mom and grandma when I’m ready, regardless of whether they’ll accept it or not. But this… this wasn’t it.
“Who cares what you saw? You still don’t have the right to that to her!”
Grandma shouted back at mom.
I heard mom spoke again, but I couldn’t catch it clearly. All I know is she’s still not yet done with all these screaming.
My head suddenly spins, and their voices became a buzzing sound in my ears. I need to breathe… I know I need to breathe… because if I won’t, I will lose it… I will lose it. Then everything suddenly went black.
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