**Chaeng went back to her room after she saw Mina exited the café without her apron, and rather clasping her pouch with her. Maybe she has an important errand today. She thought.**
**The thing is, she’s planning to invite her again for a walk, maybe before lunch. But then realized that Mina might think that she’s starting to get so assertive. So when Mina passed the breakfast to her, she just gave her a warm smile and a thank you.**
**Well, good thing Mina has something to do today aside from working in the kitchen because Chaeng’s head is getting heavy. Her head’s throbbing in pain, which made her want to sleep the whole day. It’s the prize you get when you don’t sleep at night, Chaeng. She nagged while tucking herself on her bed.**
**Hiding under your comforter is better than letting the rays of the sun burn your skin. She giggled at her silly and lazy idea of how to spend her day. So even if it means not seeing Mina for the whole afternoon, she still didn’t find it disappointing since she’s enjoying the sweet scent of her blanket and the soft fabric of the sheet in her skin.**
**Now, all she needs is several hours away from reality before she goes down for a walk or watches Mina pace behind her cake glass display. Or maybe write something ‘cause she could feel that her senses are finally coming back. Like she’s starting to see flashes of pictures of her imagination in her head again. It’s still unclear, yet she knows if she’ll concentrate more, it will be clearer in no time.**
*****
**Mina drove at the columbarium after she made Chaeng her breakfast. It was a twenty-minute drive from the hotel, yet she doesn’t mind since she wants to visit Jeong to pray for her. She also wants to tell her about this girl she met a few days ago, and how they ended up having dinner last night. She has a lot of things to tell to her former lover, and those short stories could no longer wait anymore.**
**But before she started to pray and talk to her, she placed a small bouquet first beside her sealed ash, and lighted an incense. The smell of the incense calmed her down, though she’s not really worried or something. It’s just, she knows she needs it since she’s missing her so much, which makes her burst into tears whenever she couldn’t bear the sadness anymore.**
Mina: I miss you, and you have no idea how much I do.
**She whispered. And even though she said it in her softest and lowest voice, she still could hear it echoing in the entire place. Good thing she’s the only person visiting at this hour. Well, she didn’t see anyone praying or visiting someone when she entered the columbarium, so she didn’t feel embarrassed for hearing herself spoke about how she’s missing Jeong.**
**She pressed her lips and closed her eyes, trying to imagine her lover standing in front of her, instead of just a sealed jar of ashes confined behind the glass compartment.**
Mina: I miss you… like so much. I miss how you wake me up in the morning to remind me that we need to get up and bake cakes for people who have sweet tooth like us. And that it’s our way of cheering someone up when they're sad. I also miss how you cooked our dinner even though you’re too tired working at the hotel. You spoiled me so much that I wish we could turn back the time, Jeong. I just wish I could turn back the time when you and I were still together. When we're still younger and just talking about our dreams. About making coffees, cakes, or steak. It was one of the best moments I had with you. When we had nothing to worry about except getting good grades in the University and finding the books that our professors want us to find.
**She took a deep breath. Her chest is getting heavier and heavier the more she recollects her memory about her and Jeong. And it pains her, even more, to think that no matter how much she let Jeong live in her heart, it won’t bring her life back. That she won’t ever escape the fact that Jeong has now turned into ashes lying in a shiny jar in this columbarium.**
Mina: I shouldn’t be crying, Jeong. Right?
**She laughed. She laughed not because there’s something funny about how she remembers everything. But she laughed because she wants to stop her tears from falling down her cheeks. It’s already welling at the edge of her eyes, and if she continues to recall everything, she’ll end up breaking down and drowning in tears.**
Mina: I’m sorry. I know you hate seeing me cry. And worst, you’ll hate yourself for giving me all this pain. But sometimes I really can't help but let it fall, you know. Anyway, why don’t we talk about something better, my love?
**Well, she realized that what she’s about to tell Jeong isn’t something better. She actually knows it will hurt Jeong so much. That how could she replace her that easily. It’s only a year when she lost her life. But here she is, telling her that this is something better.**
Mina: I know it isn’t something… good for you. But I guess I should still tell you what’s going on with me, right? It’s fair if you get the news from me rather than finding this news from someone else.
**It’s not as if Jeong will get to talk to someone and find it on her own. But she wants Jeong to think that she doesn’t think about her as a dead person. She’s still someone who lives in her heart, and not ash who doesn’t breathe and doesn’t see the world. She wants Jeong to feel that she never forgets her.**
Mina: I…
**She hesitated, but then remembers the real reason she’s here and talking to her.**
Mina: I went out last night with someone I barely knew. She’s… she’s one of the guests. But there’s something in her that made me feel comfortable. Maybe that’s the reason I said yes to her invitation. Well, it’s not that we both consider it a date. We just, you know, went out to be friends. Maybe to get to know each other since she’ll be staying at the hotel for two weeks.
**She paused and stared at the tip of her sneakers. Are those words enough to make Jeong believe her intention for the writer? Or are those words for her, convincing herself that they went out to be friends? That she said yes so they could be friends. She knows she’d already had enough of this convincing thing since she talked to Ryujin early this morning. But she’s guessing it won’t be over soon. Not until she hears Chaeng say that she’s not interested in her.**
Mina: And…
**She raised her head and stared at the jar inside the compartment. Then she noticed her reflection in the glass that separate her from it. It wasn’t as clear as whenever she stands in front of the mirror, but enough for her to see how different she looks now than when Jeong was still alive. She’s slimmer now and looks kind of older than a year ago. It’s like she’d aged drastically.**
Mina: And I came here to ask you if I could… I could finally see someone else.
*****
**Mina hasn't come back yet since she drove to visit Jeong, and it's already late afternoon.**
**Chaeng knows there’s nothing to worry about. Or she should not be too affected by why she’s out for several hours. But her head keeps on asking her where she is.**
**She’ll come back, Chaeng. This is her place. Maybe she just has a business to attend to or something. So please, calm down and just focus on what you need to do. You have a new story in your head now, right? So why don’t you just write it, instead of staring at your blank document?**
**She was again sitting at the far-end corner of the café, where she could see everything and everyone inside it. Well, the temperature outside is a bit warm, and she doesn’t think she wants to sweat so much while letting her brain work out in writing her new story.**
**Then she saw Ryujin passed the door. She’s too early for her shift, which made her feel bad ‘cause it only confirms one thing, Mina might be out the whole day. So, she just slouched on her seat and turned her head to her left to stare at the trees outside, standing still.**
Ryujin: Hi.
**Ryujin walked towards Chaeng as soon as she saw her sitting on her usual seat. She doesn’t want to disturb her though, she just thought about greeting her before she starts her shift.**
**Chaeng turned to her and smiled. This kid is indeed full of energy. She’s smiling from ear to ear like she had a long sleep and was already recharged from her sleepless shift last night.**
Chaeng: Hi. You’re early.
**Oops! A silly thought crossed her mind. Maybe… maybe she could ask her indirect questions about Mina. About why she’s not here the whole day.**
Ryujin: Yeah! My sister’s out, so I need to come by early today. No one’s going to manage the kitchen, you know.
Chaeng: Hmm… she’s not here? I… I thought she’s just in the kitchen doing something.
**She pretended that she doesn’t know anything. That she’s not observing Mina from afar.**
Ryujin: I think she drove early this morning at the columbarium to visit her…
**She paused, thinking if it’s okay to tell Chaeng about Jeong. She’s not in the position to do that, and maybe Chaeng will have a different impression about it. And she hates to ruin whatever’s going on between her sister and the writer. She wants to take it back, but doing so will only make it worst.**
**Chaeng noticed that Ryujin held back. That she got worried about saying a story that’s not hers. So, to save her from thinking that she did something wrong, she admitted that she knew who Mina just visited.**
Chaeng: Fiancé. She visited her fiancé. Am I right?
**She pressed her lips and sat up straight. So, this is the reason she’s not here ‘cause she’s with her. Not that they could spend the day together like what they did last night, but hearing that she was at the columbarium to visit her kind of made her feel jealous.**
Ryujin: You knew… you knew about her?
**Chaeng nodded and tried to give her her most sincere smile. But even though she’s trying her best to conceal the jealousy that’s piercing inside her, she knows, and she could feel that her facial expression is betraying her.**
Chaeng: Hmm… she… she told me about her last night.
Ryujin: Oh, great! At least I don’t need to worry now. You know, I don’t want to be cautious all the time.
Chaeng: Right. So, does that mean she won’t be coming back sooner?
Ryujin: Well, I was sleeping when she called me earlier, so the only thing I caught was, “I’ll be there at three or four. I’m visiting Jeong's mom, too.” So, most likely she’ll be here in no time.
**So, she didn’t only visit her fiancé, she also visits her mom. Then the left side of her lips twitched before she turned to her left and stared outside again. Why does it now feel like I’m competing with someone who no longer exists?**
*****
Jeong Mom: I’m glad to see you again, honey. I mean, I know you’re busy with the hotel, and I know coming here only reminds you of my daughter.
**Mina drove another thirty minutes after visiting Jeong at the columbarium. It’s been a while since she visited Jeong’s mom. She couldn’t even remember when was the last time she knocked on her door to have a coffee with her. It’s not that she’s avoiding the things that remind her of her lover. It’s just, she drowned herself with work and doesn’t have any intention of coming out from it. But when she met the writer, everything changed. It feels like someone just saved her from this quicksand and pulling her up to see the bright light of the world again.**
Mina: Hmm… I’m sorry, mom. It’s not my intention to, you know, avoid you. It’s just I don’t know how to handle myself for the past months. I don’t want to come here without picking up myself first.
**Jeong’s mom moved closer to her and reached for her both hands. They were sitting in the living room, surrounded by Jeong’s photos. Some are smiling endlessly, and some bearing her wacky face. She prefers making funny expressions than making an impression. She always believes that you don’t need to be pretty to get noticed. If people will like you, they will like you no matter what.**
Jeong’s Mom: Honey, I understand. Don’t worry, okay? And I’m really glad to see you today.
**Mina nodded while she could feel the tension between them. They were both holding their tears back. But no one wants to lose it. They both want to look tough like they’re already okay or something. Maybe because they want the other person to feel that they can rely on them, rather than a burden.**
Jeong’s Mom: And I’m hoping that you’ll visit me often, and not every three months, okay?
**She smiled, wanting Mina to feel that she’s still welcome to her house even though her daughter’s no longer around.**
Mina: I can’t promise anything, mom. But I’ll do my best to visit you every now and then. Or maybe you could check in to the hotel and relax there.
Jeong’s Mom: Why didn’t I think about that?
**She giggled, still holding Mina’s hand tightly.**
Jeong’s Mom: I’ll do that one of these days. I love the scenery there, and it reminds me of how Jeong loves the place.
**Mina smiled and squeezed Jeong's mom’s hand. She’s glad that they’re still on good terms and still considers each other as part of their lives even if the only person that binds them is no longer beside them.**
Mina: Just give me a call mom so I could reserve you the best room in the hotel.
Jeong’s Mom: Hmm… that’s a nice bargain. I don’t think I’ll be able to say no to that now.
Mina: Well, I’m not taking a no from you, mom. Anyway…
**She paused, trying to think of the best way to say what she just told Jeong earlier. That... if it’s okay to finally see someone. But what if Jeong’s mom will think that it’s still too early to go out with someone else? What if she’ll take it against her? That why it’s so easy for her to replace her daughter? It’s only a year after the accident, how come she’s thinking about it already?**
Jeong’s Mom: What’s that, honey?
Mina: Uhm… I came here to… to ask you if it’s okay for me to see someone. Not that I’m replacing Jeong that easily. It’s just…
Jeong’s Mom: Of course, honey, you do.
**She cut her off. She even smiled at what just Mina said ‘cause it means she’s finally moving on. That her life is revolving again, and no longer stuck at her past… at her daughter who’s no longer coming back.**
Jeong’s Mom: I don’t want you to get stuck at this. You’re young and you need to live your life. Not because Jeong’s dead, it means you’ll stop living, too, honey. I want you to live, and I know your family wants the same.
**Mina’s heart finally calmed down. She could now properly breathe again. Unlike a minute ago that she doesn’t know how to manage the air coming in and out from her lungs.**
Mina: Thank you, mom. It means a lot to me.
Jeong’s Mom: I’m glad you still consider my opinion about your personal life, honey. And I honestly never doubt Jeong when she chose you.
**Then she pulled Mina for a hug that almost lasted for a minute. It was the most needed hug that Mina long for. It made her feel closer to Jeong. It even feels like she’s hugging her through her mom, which made her burst into tears. **
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