***JENNIE***
“Mom?”
I called as I reached the living room.
“Mom? Grandma?”
I called again. Louder this time.
“In the kitchen.”
My eyes are still half-close even though the clock says it’s already 10 A.M.
What time did I sleep last night? I couldn’t remember anymore. All I know is it’s already late. It’s because I couldn’t stop my head from thinking about this and that.
I dragged myself to the kitchen to look for mom, but she’s not there.
“Where’s mom?”
I asked grandma as I slipped myself to the chair in front of her.
“Hello, baby. She said she’ll get something in your house, but will be back tonight.”
I wonder what it is. But maybe she’ll just get more clothes and other things we’ll need here.
She looked at me once, then turned her gaze back to the mixing bowl in her hand.
“She didn’t tell you about that last night?”
Her eyes never left what she’s doing.
“Nah. She might have forgotten to tell me.”
She’s too preoccupied with everything, and I understand why she forgot to tell me.
“What are you doing grandma?”
“I’m baking some cookies, baby. Your favorite.”
She said cheerfully.
It suddenly lit up my mood.
“Can I help?”
I asked as I stood up from my chair.
“Why don’t you have your breakfast first before you help me?”
“I’ll just have my coffee, grandma.”
“Okay. I think the coffee is still hot.”
She pointed at the coffeemaker.
I pour the coffee in my cup and went back to her.
“What should I do?”
“Pour that mixture into that bowl until it smoothens.”
I followed her instructions and focused on the task.
Geez! This suddenly excites me. I missed her baked cookies. It’s the most delicious cookies I’ve ever tasted, and it’s been a while since I ate one.
“How’s you and Lisa?”
“Hmm?”
I stopped and turned to her.
“Did you two get along easily?”
I nodded and followed it with a quick smile.
“She’s a nice kid, and I like her.”
She paused and pour some chocolate chips on her mixture.
“She always says hi to me before she goes to school in the morning, and before she goes to the coffee shop in the afternoon.”
She laughed before she tells her last premise.
“And she loves eating here, too.”
I also find her nice. I want to tell grandma.
“Just like yesterday?”
She laughed again.
“It’s not that she doesn’t have money to buy her food. It’s more of, she doesn’t have anyone to have breakfast with.”
Does that mean… She lives alone?
“Where are her parents? Brother? Sister?”
I asked without a pause.
“She’s an only child, just like you. Her parents? They’re both busy with their businesses. They don’t have time to take care of her.”
“Mom’s busy with work, too. But she’s always there for me.”
I interrupted her.
“I know. But her parents have their separate businesses. It’s difficult for them to find free time. Unlike your mom, who only works 5 times a week.”
“She might be lonely living in that big house.”
I said without thinking.
Grandma nodded.
“More than that, I think.”
*****
***LISA***
What time is it? And who’s this early bird ringing my doorbell?
I sauntered down the stairs half asleep, afraid to trip myself.
“Coming.”
I said as I got closer to the door.
“Coming.”
I said again, a little louder because the bell stopped ringing. The person behind the door might have thought that there’s no one at home.
I opened the door in my Pajamas, half asleep, and hair uncombed.
“Good morning!”
I froze. I want to close the door again and fix myself. My hair is so messy. What am I thinking?
“H-hi.”
Well, I guess I have no choice but to say hi to her.
She giggled.
“Hmm… Cookies?”
She held out a plastic container full of cookies and joined it with a wide smile.
“I baked it… I mean… Grandma, and I baked it. I helped.”
Her eyebrows went up, confused why I’m not accepting it.
I could feel the butterflies swarming in my stomach. Get a grip, Lisa. Get it!
“Oh… Thank you…”
I got it with both hands.
“You don’t like cookies?”
Her expression changed. Forehead creased and about to grab the container in my hands.
“I do… It’s just… My brain isn’t functioning yet, so my reflexes are slow.”
She nodded. But the blank expression seemed to stay with her.
“Okay… I’ll let you sleep again.”
She’s about to turn her back on me when my brain pushed me to say something.
“You want to go inside? Coffee… maybe? And these cookies?”
Her face suddenly lit up with my offer.
“All right.”
*****
***JENNIE***
She led me to the kitchen while fixing her hair. I might have really woken her up. Now I feel sorry about that. If only I knew, I might have just postponed giving her those cookies.
“Have a seat.”
She put down the cookies on the table while I grabbed a chair to sit in.
“Coffee? Juice?”
“Water would be fine.”
“Water?”
“Yeah. I already have my coffee before I come here.”
“Water then.”
She walked to the fridge and pour one glass.
“I’ll have coffee… I think I need that this hour.”
“Hangover?”
“I guess…”
She paused and faced me.
“Wait, don’t think I’m a drinker. I’m not… Really.”
I chuckled.
“So you went out last night? After we got home?”
She’s done with making her coffee and sat down opposite to me.
She didn’t answer. Instead, she opened the container I gave her and nibble the cookie she pulled from it.
Are my questions too invasive for her to answer?
“Yeah. I... I went to my friend’s birthday last night. Got a few drinks. You know. It’s a party.”
“Hmm…”
I paused. I don’t want to know more. Well, what else should I know?
No more questions. She might think I’m too interested to know her whereabouts.
“How’re the cookies?”
“I like you.”
She paused.
I paused.
And silence suddenly filled the entire room.
I don’t know what to say.
She might feel the same way.
“I… I mean the cookies… I like it.”
*****
***LISA***
Silence.
This feels an endless silence.
How am I supposed to end this silence? I know she’s not convinced of what I said.
“Hmm… Grandma’s alone at home, and I think you need to rest.”
I want to say something, but because I filled my mouth with the cookies she brought for me, I couldn't open my mouth.
But I nodded. Maybe this is also the best way to end the conversation.
I led her to the front door without saying a word.
Now what? You’re not thinking, Lisa. Sometimes you act so stupid that I don’t know how to handle you anymore.
“Have a rest… and have plenty of water.”
I smiled because I’m finally done nibbling the cookies in my mouth.
“Thank you… and thank you for the cookies.”
She smiled back at me and walked to her grandma’s house.
I didn’t come inside yet because I couldn’t stop looking at her while she walks toward her grandma’s porch.
The thing is, I didn’t notice Tom walking towards my porch.
“Wow! Have you expected that I’ll knock in your door?”
I stared at him.
“What?”
He followed the direction where my eyes were pinned before he arrived.
His eyes widened.
“Oh…”
He returned his gaze to me.
“So… I think someone has something to confess, huh?”
“Come in.”
I said before he embarrasses me in front of her.
He comes in, still grinning.
“Want some cookies?”
I want to divert his attention but I failed.
“Sure. So, tell me about this girl.”
We walked to the kitchen, and he saw the glass of water and the coffee cup. That only confirms that the girl he’s talking about is the girl I mentioned last night.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
I sat down and cupped the coffee in my hands.
He followed me and sat down opposite me. He grabbed one cookie and took a bite.
“I don’t think so.”
“I’m serious. There’s nothing to talk about. It’s just she’s new in the neighborhood…”
“And you’re just being too kind, so you make friends with her?”
He interrupted. His eyes never leave me.
“Let me rephrase my question. Is she the girl you mentioned last night?”
I took another sip of my coffee. Maybe there’s no point in denying anymore.
“Yeah…”
“Whoa!”
He moved closer to me. As if someone is listening to our conversation.
“Hmm… Are you dating?”
“What? No! We’re not.”
“She was here, right?”
“Right. But because we’re friends. Nothing more.”
“That’s bad.”
He slumped in his chair.
“Not a single plan of asking her out? Or telling her you like her?”
“She knows… I mean… She’s smart enough to get it.”
He shook his head, grinning.
“Not man enough to stand for your feelings, huh?”
“It’s not that easy. You know.”
I lowered my voice.
I know how impulsive and stupid I am for telling her this and that, but for planning about asking her out, I’m not sure if I could be man enough to say it straight to her.
“You have all my support. I mean... whatever you need, I’ll be there for you.”
I sighed.
“What if… what if I fail? What if…”
“Shut it! There are only two options. Act on it, or just kill yourself with what-ifs.”
*****
***JENNIE***
Grandma was sitting in the living room watching a movie when I came back home.
“I’m back.”
I slumped on the couch and pretended that I’m watching the movie, too.
“That’s quick. I’m expecting you to stay there until late this afternoon.”
“She just woke up grandma. I think she needs some rest.”
She laughed.
“Spent time to a party last night?”
“How did you know?”
“Because every time she went to a party, she gets up late. Then knock on my door, starving.”
She smiled, and I nodded.
“You really know each other well.”
“Yeah… Such a sweet girl.”
We continued to watch the movie, though I’m not interested in it.
What keeps on swirling in my head are the words she said. ‘She likes me’, but why?
Not why she likes me, though. But more on why does it flatters me that much. Why did butterflies swarm inside me when I heard those words from her?
I couldn’t even stop thinking about the note on my cup. And now this.
What is going on with me?
Is Jisoo right? That there’s something different with me?
I want to stop this. I don’t want her to affect me. But how?
I heard a beep from my phone and that distracts me from all my thoughts.
It might be Jisoo checking up on me, so I opened my phone immediately, but see Lisa instead.
Lisa: Hi. About earlier.
I’m waiting for the next words she’ll say, but it was an endless typing.
Maybe she couldn’t compose the right words to say. And I want to end her struggles.
Me: It’s okay, Lisa.
She stopped typing. Maybe she didn’t expect me to respond that quickly.
Me: I mean… I have nothing against it or you.
Lisa: Maybe it’s better if we’ll have coffee later?
Lisa: I don’t think it’s appropriate to discuss things in this manner.
I didn’t respond. I just read it.
*****
***LISA***
Tom is right. I’ve already confessed that I like her, so what’s the point of denying it to her and myself. Act on it, or just forget about it.
But what choice should I choose?
I went back to my room and buried myself in the middle of my bed after Tom left.
I don’t want to dare to knock on their door and just talk to her like that, so I grabbed my phone and send her a message.
I don’t exactly know what to say. I keep on writing something, then erased it before I could even hit the send button.
The thing is, she didn’t reply to my last message.
I throw my phone on my bin bag and close my eyes until I fall asleep.
Maybe I’m acting too fast, and she’s not into this.
*****
***JENNIE***
I checked my phone again after half an hour.
She’s already offline.
Should I go for a coffee? Or just ignore her?
I don’t think she deserves to be ignored, and I don’t think I want to do that to her.
Me: Okay. I’ll go for coffee.
Me: 8 P.M. later?
*****
***LISA***
It’s already dark when I woke up, which means I oversleep again.
Where’s my phone? Oh… I throw it on my bin bag.
I pulled myself to get up. I’m starving to death.
Shit! Where’s my phone?
It’s too dark, and I almost trip before I reached the bin bag.
“Here it is.”
Jennie finally replied?
Jennie: Okay. I’ll go for coffee.
Jennie: 8 P.M. later?
My eyes widen.
Good news, she said yes. Bad news, it’s already 7:40.
I don’t know what to do first. Run to my bathroom, or reply to her.
*****
***JENNIE***
Dinner is almost over, yet she hasn’t replied to my last message yet.
You’re too mean. I want to tell her. You’re the one who asked for the coffee, and now you’re ignoring me?
I hate you. I really do.
Then my phone beep. I couldn’t pull it out from my pocket because I’m still sitting at the dining table.
Mom’s number one rule is not to use the phone when eating.
I hurried with my mashed potato and said I’m done after I poured my last spoon of potatoes in my mouth.
“I’m done. Can I go to my room now?”
“You okay, honey?”
“Yes, mom. I’m 100% fine.”
I smiled at her to assure her I’m perfectly fine.
“Okay. Good.”
I pulled my phone as soon as I get out of the dining room.
Half of me wishes to see her name. Geez! Jennie… What the…
Lisa: I’m sorry I just woke up and only read your message at this hour. Will you give me 10 minutes more after 8?
That made me smile. Like it washed all the bad thoughts I had about her earlier.
Me: Okay.
*****
***LISA***
There’s no time for me to wait for her reply. Whichever her answer is, I need to fix myself as fast as I can.
It only took me 10 minutes to take a bath, and I checked my phone as soon as I get out of the bathroom.
Jennie: Okay.
I couldn’t seize the smile on my face. Even when I’m doing my make-up, it’s still there.
“Relax, Lisa. She just said it’s okay. It’s not like she said she likes you, too. So shut it!”
I shook my head. I’m helpless.
Instead of controlling this stupid smile on my face, I told myself to hurry because she’s waiting.
I ran down the stairs until I reached the porch. She’s already standing at the walkway.
I’m still 2 minutes early, though. And I’m still catching my breath when I said hi to her.
“Hi… Sorry…”
A smile formed on her lips before she spoke.
“It’s okay. Let’s go?”
We drove in silence.
No one dared to speak. Even me, because I’m not sure how to start this whole thing.
*****
***JENNIE***
I’m not sure why I’m here. I mean… Why did I say it’s okay to meet her for a coffee?
All I know is I’m liking the attention I’m getting from Lisa. But I’m not sure if I want anything else. Everything is so confusing right now.
“Here’s your coffee.”
“Thanks.”
Should I be the one to speak first? Or… should I wait for her?
It’s been a minute… I think… and no words are getting out of her lips. She’s not even looking at me in the eye. Are we going to be like this until we finish our coffee?
“So… why exactly are we here?”
I said while staring at the coffee in my hand.
“Yeah…”
She paused. Maybe she’s thinking again for the right words to say.
“About what I said…”
Another pause.
This won’t end if she keeps on pausing and staring at her coffee.
I gazed at her. Just like her, I don’t know what to say.
“That I like you…”
I pressed my lips. I know this is what she wanted to talk about, and a part of me also wants to know more.
“I won’t say sorry about that… because…”
She stopped and stared back at me.
Why does that stare always make me weak?
“Because the moment I saw you…”
“Isn’t it too early to tell?”
I interrupted. I guess I know the next words she’ll say. The thing is, I thought, I’m now ready to know more, but maybe not… yet.
“I know… you’re right.”
She leaned her back on the backrest of her seat.
“You’re right.”
“Thank you.”
“For?”
“For what you’ve said earlier.”
“Will we see each other again? I mean… still, tour you around?”
I’m not sure how she understood what I’ve said. I didn’t mean for us to stop seeing each other, or talking. But maybe… maybe that’s how she understood it.
“Hmm… maybe?”
She nodded, and we both keep our silence until we finished your coffee. She said nothing after that. Maybe her mind is also filled with what exact words to say, just like what I’m having inside my head.
We drove back to our house, still not speaking a single word. But after she stopped in front of our front yard, and before I open the door, I said something that I hope I didn’t.
“Lisa…”
“Hmm?”
“I can’t.”
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