***LISA***
I throw my jacket on the floor, and I let my back fall in the middle of my bed.
It’s been a week, yet I still feel sad about it.
I know, there’s no point in getting anxious because like my father said, not because you want it, you could have it.
If you want something, do everything until you can hold it in your hand?
I don’t want to sound obsessed, but I really like her. Like I’ve never liked someone in my entire life before. It feels like no matter how much she rejects me, I still want to try… repeatedly… until she tells me she wants me in her life.
But how?
Look at me… with one rejection… I’m here, allowing the darkness to drown me.
I sighed.
“You’re insane, Lisa. You truly are.”
I got startled at the sound of my phone. Who might call me at this hour? It’s already late.
I pulled my phone in my pocket, still lying with my back. It’s Tom.
“Hey! Want a drink?”
“No. I’m okay here, Tom.”
I said flatly.
“I’m in front of your house. Got some beer for you. Just go down. We don’t need to talk.”
I pulled myself up. I guess I don’t have a choice but to go down to meet him.
“Fine.”
He’s worried about me lately because I’m not talking. There’s nothing to talk about. All I know is I want people to leave me alone. It’s the only way for me to clear my head. Well, sad to say, but it’s not working.
Tom was leaning on the hood of his sedan when I saw him. He didn’t say a word. He just handed me a can of beer for me to drink while I lean on the hood of his car beside him.
“Tom…”
I said after a minute of silence.
“Yeah?”
“Do you think I’m crazy?”
“Why?”
He gulped his beer.
“I just met this girl last week, and here I am feeling broken because she said she can’t.”
“It’s not about the time you’ve known each other. Sometimes I believe in love at first sight. You know.”
He took another gulp.
“And liking her this much isn’t insanity.”
I sighed heavily.
“I really like her.”
“Hmm… But you’re not doing something about it.”
He said casually.
“What do you want me to do? Pursue her? It’s not like a normal boy-girl thing, Tom. This is different. It’s not as easy as you think it is.”
“I know…”
He paused. I can feel him staring at me, but I don’t want to meet his eyes.
“I know… but you can still be friends with her, right?”
“What’s the point, if what I want is more than that?”
“What’s the point? So you could protect her. To be there for her. To selflessly love her…”
He returned his gaze to the blank space of the neighborhood.
“With nothing in return.”
Just like what you’re doing to me? I want to voice out. But this isn’t the time for me to hurt his feelings. He’s here to make me feel better, and not to give me a license to hurt him.
“I’m not like you, Tom. I don’t think I can be a friend to her. I… I want more.”
*****
***JENNIE***
I wonder how she is, and how she took our last conversation.
Honestly, I regret saying those words because, after that, I think about her more.
I’m also worried because she might feel that everyone is rejecting her.
I turned to my side and picked up my phone from the bedside table to open her profile in my messenger.
Should I message her?
I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do, though.
She hasn’t opened her messenger yet. She’s been offline for two days now.
I put back my phone on the bedside table and pulled myself up. I need something sweet to cheer myself.
I sat down in the nook after I pulled a bar of chocolate from the fridge.
Relax, Jennie. Don’t feel guilty about it.
Well, am I just guilty or it’s something else?
I couldn’t think straight. That’s the truth. And I’m not sure what feelings I’m having right now. I just hope that this thing has a name, so I could be more rational with every reaction I’ll make.
I heard someone walking towards the kitchen. Is it mom or grandma?
“Baby, you’re still awake. Why?”
It’s grandma who entered the room.
She opened the fridge right away and poured some water on the glass she has on her hand.
“I need something sweet, grandma.”
She sat down in front of me and drinks her water.
“You want some?”
I offered.
She shook her head as an answer to my question.
“Have you seen Lisa lately?”
Does it look like I’m thinking about her that’s why grandma asked me? Is this how obvious I am?
“I haven’t seen her grandma.”
She nodded.
“I’m worried about her. Never a day in a week, she hasn’t knocked on my door. But this time, one week straight and no Lisa is showing up.”
She sighed and put down the glass of water on the table.
“I wonder if she’s sick or something.”
I stopped eating my chocolate and eyed her. Now this worries me even more.
“I guess I’ll just visit her tomorrow to know what happened to her. If she’s sick, she needs someone to take care of her.”
“I can do that for you, grandma.”
I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out of my mouth without thinking.
Maybe a part of me also wants to see her, to check if she’s doing fine.
“If you want…”
“Really? You’ll visit her tomorrow?”
“Yeah.”
She gave me a thankful smile.
“Thank you, baby. Let’s hope she’s fine and just busy with something.”
“I’m hoping too, grandma. I’m hoping, too.”
*****
***LISA***
I don’t want to open the door, but someone’s too persistent in pressing the doorbell. So the only choice I have now is to get up and open it for whoever it is.
“Hello.”
She said sheepishly.
“H—hello.”
I replied to her.
“Hmm… can I come in?”
What? Why do you always come here whenever my hair is so messy?
“Su—sure.”
I let her come in and I just followed her. It seems like she knows where she’s going.
We went straight to the kitchen, and when I’m about to ask why, I suddenly noticed that she has a lunch box in her right hand.
She turned around to face me.
“Will you take your seat while I’m preparing this?”
I nodded and took my seat on the table without complaining.
I followed her with my eyes. She’s pulling a bowl and plate in the cabinet.
I wonder what’s inside the lunch box, and I wonder if she cooked it or if grandma did. But whoever did, I still want to express my gratitude to her.
She came back to the table and handed me a bowl full of soup and a plate of beef broccoli with rice.
“I know you have eaten nothing yet. So… will you eat this?”
I stared at her. I want to ask why? But since I’m too hungry and too weak to say something, I spooned the soup immediately.
“Grandma’s worried about you because you haven’t visited her for a week now. She thinks you are sick or something.”
I stopped mouthing my food.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make her worry. It’s just… I want to be alone these days.”
And I don’t know how to face you yet. I want to add. But it’s not her fault, and there’s no point in telling her.
“I’m… I’m worried about you, too.”
She paused.
I don’t know how to react to that, so I just sit there holding my spoon while staring at her.
“I’m sorry about what happened last week, Lisa.”
I smiled at the words she said. It’s real and not just words to make someone feels better because I could see from the expression of her face that she means it.
I looked down at her hand. I want to caress it before I’ll tell her I’m okay and it’s okay. Of course, I’m not allowed to do that. So, I gazed back at her, instead.
“It’s nothing, Jennie. I’m not taking it against you. It’s not your fault.”
“Will we start over again? I mean… friends?”
She stopped while I didn’t react to what she said.
I don’t know… I don’t know if I’m all right at being friends. I don’t know if I wanted to be friends with you.
The only thing I know is, if you’ll become closer to me, there’s no chance that I could stop myself from falling for you. And that would be a bigger problem for me.
“You still want to be friends with me? Even though you know that I have something on you?”
“Why not? I mean… let’s just try it that way… for now.”
I wonder what she meant about that.
*****
***JENNIE***
I can see from her eyes that she’s not yet ready with my offer. But I want to insist. I want us to start all over again. I want us to be friends, move forward, and see what will happen next.
I’m not sure yet what’s inside me. But I couldn’t ignore the fact that I can’t stop thinking about her.
I’m not yet ready to jump on something, that’s why I want to take everything slowly. If she’ll allow us to be friends… for now. Then maybe it’s better.
“Okay. Maybe that’s the best thing for both of us… friends.”
I smiled because I’m glad that she didn’t reject me with my offer.
“Thank you. Why don’t you finish your food now? I won’t interrupt you, promise.”
She grinned.
“Who cooked this? Did you?”
She said not looking at me but on her plate.
“I did. Well, I’m not an excellent cook, so it’s fine if you’ll criticize it. I won’t get hurt if you say something bad.”
I moved closer and rested my arms on the table.
She looked up.
“Are you kidding me? It’s like I’m eating in a restaurant. It tastes better than it looks.”
“Oh… so you’re saying it doesn’t look good?”
I raised my left eyebrow so she could feel that it offended me. Though it’s not.
“Oops! Sorry… You said you won’t interrupt me. What now?”
I laughed.
“Fine! Just eat then.”
She ate in silence. It looks like she has eaten nothing yet. Maybe all she does here is to stay in her room and do nothing.
She spoke again, after she drank her water.
“Thank you for lunch.”
“Well, thank you isn’t enough for what I did for you today. Remember, you said you’ll tour me around.”
“Whoa! I thought you did this for charity work.”
She shook her head with a smile.
“I didn’t know I need to pay for this.”
I laughed.
“Nothing is free nowadays, you know.”
I ended my premise with a smirk.
“You trapped me there.”
I laughed again. This time it’s ringing in the entire room.
“Until when will you stay with your grandma?”
She asked before I stopped laughing.
“We don’t know yet. But as of now, all I know is mom doesn’t have a plan of going back to our house.”
She nodded.
“So… you need to meet more friends, right? If you’re into parties, you can go with me later. One of my friends will hold one tonight.”
“Hmm…”
I’m thinking. I don’t know if I want to. I’m not a party person, so I might only become a wallflower there.
“No?”
She interrupted my thoughts.
“I’m not sure. I’m not a party person, so I don’t know if I’ll enjoy it.”
“Hmm… I understand. But I’m thinking of introducing you to my friends.”
That made me have a second thought. Why not, right?
“Okay. I’ll go with you later. But can you promise me we won’t stay for long?”
My answer changed her mood. I could see that she’s happy with what I’ve said, and that made me smile, too.
“Sure. No problem.”
*****
***LISA***
We walked side by side as we enter V’s house, and I could feel everyone’s eyes is on us.
I want to grab her waist and pull her close to me, so these people would back off from her. I want them to think she’s no longer available. That she’s mine. But the thing is, she isn’t. So I just let these people stare at her.
I found a spot for her to sit in, and I led her to that place.
I leaned closer to her, so I could whisper in her ear.
“Are you okay here? I’ll just get us something to drink. It won’t take that long, promise.”
She put her right hand on my left arm before she whispered back. Our bodies are too close to each other, and I don’t want to step back. I could also feel her breath on my left cheek.
“Can I go with you? I don’t know anyone here. I don’t want to be alone.”
“Okay. Let’s go.”
She let go, but walked closer to me until we reached the bartender.
“Two mojitos, please.”
I said to the bartender.
She’s still standing close to me. So, she’s really not used to parties, and I feel bad because I brought her here.
“Hey.”
I heard a familiar voice. And it’s approaching us.
“Hey.”
I replied.
“I thought you won’t come.”
“You always thought I wouldn’t.”
I rolled my eyes, and he laughed. His laugh is always loud enough to catch everyone’s attention.
“By the way, this is Jennie. Jennie, this is Tom, my best friend.”
“Hi. Finally, nice to meet you.”
Tom gave her his hand after he spoke, and before Jennie takes it, I grabbed it to shake his hand.
“Hi… nice to meet you, too.”
She answered.
Tom pulled his hand from me before he shook his head.
“Possessive, huh?”
I punched him in his arm to signal him to shut his mouth.
He rolled his eyes.
“Fine!”
“Two mojitos for you beautiful ladies.”
Said the bartender behind me. I smiled at him first before I grabbed the two glasses and handed to Jennie.
“Have you seen Rose? She said she’ll come.”
He asked.
“I haven’t seen her yet.”
He nodded.
“I’ll look for her, and I’ll leave you two here. I know you want that.”
“Shut it, Tom!”
I shouted in his ear.
He winced at the sound of my voice.
“Go!”
I signaled him to go before he said something that will make me forget the years we’ve been best friends.
I returned to Jennie. She’s still standing close to me while sipping her glass of mojito.
“You okay?”
She smiled.
“I think so.”
I regret I brought her here. I could sense that she’s not enjoying this place, and I don’t think I can stand that.
“You want to go? A place with fewer people, maybe?”
*****
***JENNIE***
I stay close to her, and if only it’s okay to put my hand on her arm, I will do that.
“I’m fine. Maybe let’s stay for a while. I want to meet your friends first.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah!”
“All right!”
We stayed in the bar for a while. Maybe she’s also waiting for her friends to arrive so I could meet them.
“You want to dance?”
I’m not a dancer, but I’m not bad either, so maybe it’s okay to take her offer.
“Why not?”
She held out her hand, and I took it.
She led me in the middle before we moved our bodies to follow the beat of the music.
She’s staring at me, and even though I’m not that comfortable having eye contact with her, I didn’t look away. Maybe it’s the alcohol that gave me the courage to do that.
She moved closer, and I didn’t move away. I let it be.
Honestly, I like how our bodies move in the same beat, and how close we are.
Her body touching mine is something new to me. I never danced with a girl before, but this… it’s something I could stand for another song.
Then I heard someone called her name.
“Lisa!”
I assume she didn’t hear it because her eyes didn’t leave mine.
“Lisa!”
The voice called again, and that’s the only time she broke her gaze on me. To search for the person calling her name.
She might have seen who it was because she smiled and signaled me to leave the dance floor, and I followed her.
We met this pretty girl standing next to the bar.
“Hey! Tom’s looking for you.”
Oh… so this might be Rose?
“Yeah, saw him with V and he said you’re here.”
I’m not sure if Lisa forgot that I’m standing behind her or what because she’s focused on this girl in front of her.
“Here they are!”
The girl pointed at Tom and this cute guy on his left.
Tom might have noticed that Lisa turned her back on me, so he stood beside me.
“You okay?”
He smiled at me, and I smiled back at him.
I think he’s a nice guy. Well, he looks nice, and I don’t think Lisa would make friends with not so good people.
He poked Lisa on her back. And when she tilted her head at him, he discreetly pointed at me, while I pretended I didn’t see that.
She suddenly stepped backward and introduced me to them.
“Guys! This is Jennie. Jennie, this is V and Rosie. We all go to the same school.”
I said hi to them, and they did the same thing.
“She’s new in our neighborhood so… I’m touring her around.”
I think Rosie doesn’t like me because her left eyebrow went up first before she smiled at me.
But this V guy seemed to be nice, just like Tom. Aside from that, I find him cute, too.
“Well, you’ve chosen the right place.”
V said to her.
“Don’t! Just don’t!”
She keeps on shaking her head.
Is she warning him? But what was that about?
Tom laughed before he spoke to V.
“Dude! Listen to her. Remember… yours is yours and hers is hers. We don’t cross anyone’s fences?”
“Oh… Sure. I get it. Sorry.”
He put both his hands up.
“All right! I’m just joking.”
He said to her with a smirk.
I think I get it now, and I couldn’t control myself from this smile.
So this is how possessive she is? I… I find it cute, though.
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